Fuck the Prison Industrial Complex

(stolen from a friend, who surely stole it from the internet)

Debbie Downer: Mainstream Sexuality Rulez

Hello, childrens. This is the first post in hopefully a string of many--though it is more likely they will become sporadic and disappear completely over time just like love notes and flowers from a discontented boyfriend. But much like a soon-to-be jilted lover, initially I am glad to be here with you. This is Debbie Downer, and oh yes, I mean it.

I wanted to start out with something deep, something meaningful that would really hit home for my readership--so naturally I chose Katy Perry. Yes, that bitch. Ain't she cute? Look at her in all her hetero-normative glory! Reinforce that patriarchy, girl! She's from Santa Barbara. I'm kinda from near there. I know hundreds of bitches just like her. They go shopping on State Street wearing sundresses in February, bleach their hair, wear makeup to trick boys into thinking they're pretty even when they're ugly, and don't have the depth of you brown-haired, freezing-your-ass-off-in-March East Coast gals. Their parents are Republicans; someday, they will be too.

Long story short, I was listening to Katy Perry earlier. (Don't hate me, I already hate myself enough.) Specifically, "I Kissed a Girl." Having kissed several girls in my day, I think its kind of a fun song. Before actually hearing the song, I obviously heard about it from people--probably Perez actually. He's kind of my BFF, no big. Anyway, I thought, "How cool, a song about lesbians! Or at least lesbian tendencies not painted in a scary I'm-a-dyke-GRRR way." So I went around for a couple months thinking Katy Perry was a lesbian. Obviously I'm extremely out of touch with mainstream society, but that's for another post about discovering (and falling deeply, madly in love with) Kanye West about 6 months ago. And T.I. and T-Pain about two months ago. Next week.

So I thought Katy Perry was a lesbian. You can only guess at my disappointment at hearing the song for the first time. I'm into this pseudo-electronic-thing pop (and popular hip-hop) music has going on right now, don't get me wrong. But the lyrics just irked me. They're no worse poetically than all mainstream pop music, but something about saying "I kissed a girl just to try it / I hope my boyfriend don't mind it" is fucking lame. Apparently Katy Perry is so insecure in her sexuality and such a slave to peer pressure that the only time she'll "experiment" with kissing a girl is when she's got a boyfriend to outwardly confirm her heterosexuality. It gets better: Katy enparts the wisdom unto us that "Its not what / good girls do"! I'm sorry Katy, I wasn't aware all lesbians were "bad girls." I'll avoid them at all costs, lest they try to make out with me and piss off my trucker-hat-wearing, raised-truck-driving, parents-house-living, Santa-Barbara-City-College-attending boyfriend.

So, I still like the song. But Katy Perry is kind of a dumb bitch. Unless she actually is a lesbian and her record label forced her into watering down a really heartfelt ballad about making out with her hot lesbian girlfriend on the dance floor--that would be fine. Come on Katy, tell us the truth.

I've also been listening to Rihanna lately. I should stop, I don't wanna catch her low self-esteem and end up engaged to the 19-year-old boy who tried to kill me in his car. Yeah that's right, fuck you, Chris Brown.

And since this is a post about heteronormativity and I'm straight, here: Guns, masculinity, hot-sex: there can never be too much T.I. on this blog.

FUCKIN THEECE

writin my theece (short for thesis, dumbass) and was hoping for some constructive criticism from all our readers out there...so if all y'all dont mind, i'ma post the entire thing below and you can "have at it" in comments:

blah blah blah. the framework for analysis is suck ma dick, muhfucka, given the fact that the prison industrial complex is poopy. blah blah. ergo, systemic inequalities are effin' lame, man. blah blah blah. therefore, peepee in vadge = vaginal intercourse. blah blah farts and boogers. my research leads me to believe that racism is mean. also, can you give me an A so as not to fuck my GPA up the ass? i love college. by maggie marron.

it's still a work in progress, so don't judge too harshly! and i still haven't incorporated my analysis of the ideological underpinnings of the hegemonic discourse of poop-on-a-stick, sooo try to imagine that somewhere in the mix.

but, yeah! feedback on my draft thus far??

heavy shit

1. dead and gone


2.

T.I.'s Road to Redemption

fitty cent diapers: for your lil gangsta

it was about time someone schooled Fitty on the importance of "keeping it real." amen, my intense little peach-fuzzed friend. keep on doin' whatchu do best...that is, keeping all those wankstas in line, from the comfort of your suburbuan, south park-themed bedroom.

christian bale, you can "fuckin' trash my lights" anytime you want

ayoooooooooooo

oh hey! didn't see you there.

time to kick this baby up a notch with a little...VLOG action.

technology, woooooo (plus i know you all love sick voices):



many, many things contributed to my sexay (?), hoarse tone. foremost among them, the combination of a cold + screaming to my friend in an attempt to be heard at a concert.

this is who we saw last night:



(i love the line "i know there's better brothers, but you're the only one that's mine.")

in other news...

a very special guest will be gracing us with her presence shortly. ojai, california's own "debbie downer" has decided to contribute a weekly column to PLDP entitled "god is dead, and your vote doesn't matter." (pessimism is the new black, y'all.) she may not have grown up in beautiful, historic WW-P, and there might not be any room in the MABAAK acronym for her, but...

there's always room in our hearts and souls. it would be cruel of us to reject her just because she doesn't come from the mean streets of central jerz like the rest of us. a cushy, west-coast upbringing and "cool" are not, as some are wont to believe, mutually exclusive.

(furthermore, in case you haven't noticed, this weblog is in dire need of actual written content. anyone else have any ideas for features/columns?)